The End of an Era

Miss America is on (gasp!) CMT tonight. To all my fellow poor people without access to cable: pull yourselves together! Get up off the floor out of my, uhh, your puddle of tears. If I can make it through this difficult time you can too! As I am no longer eligible to compete as Miss South Dakota, which was truly my life's ambition, it is a little less fun to watch the pageant anyway. I think this might be the first year in a while that I've not known one of the contestants because all my friends are now geriatric. Just kidding, friends. Fortunately I can still go to the Miss America website and read the bios of all 51 contestants, print them out, and pretend they are all my friends. My favorite is Miss Texas. And not because I currently live in Texas, but because, well, she is my age and uhh, just check her out.

It is probably better for me not to watch the pageant because I just say mean things like, "wow, how much duct tape did she need to hold THOSE up?" and "do you think she is using rubber cement to keep her bottom THERE?" I do enjoy learning about the wonderful charities with cute names that each woman has founded. For example: "Kidz Kount: Promoting Children's Literacy" or "M.A.C.K. - Making a Commitment to Kids" (which I like because it was founded by someone named MACKenzie. Honestly, isn't the whole point of a charity NOT to call attention to how awesome you yourself are?)

If you have endured my entry this far I want you to play a fun game. If you were, say, Miss Idaho, what would your platform or charity be?

I have included a picture that is timely in its celebration of the UT National Football Championship as well as the celebration of blond cheerleaders and possible pageant gals nationwide.



May the best bikini-clad pre-med juggler win!