It has been brought to my attention that the majority of my 1.5 readers have a thing for dating preachers. Because I am the paragon of wisdom and appropriateness in all situations, I have some advice for you.
By avoiding THESE TEN THINGS, your relationship will grow at the speed of invasive clams in North American riverbeds. (that means REALLY QUICKLY)
1. Compare your new squeeze to an invasive, predatory clam
2. Forget to change out of your Hooters uniform before escorting him to the congregation's monthly potluck (also note, "Hot Wings" are not an appropriate covered dish)
3. Let it be known that you once incorporated yourself into the nursing home's glowing plastic nativity scene by "pretending" to pass out with an empty box of wine under your arm, and the soft glow of plastic baby Jesus on your face*
4. If your name is, oh, Lusanna, have your friends call you "Boozanna" or "Boozie" for short **
5. Refer to him as "Fr. So-and-So" (that might be a little weird)
6. Introduce him to your pet adder, Beelzebub
7. Purchase that Hello Kitty themed "Paws off my Preacher!" tube top/hot pant set***
8. Just avoid discussing Chaucer altogether- preachers never like bawdy things, even if they are funny
9. Dress as your favorite Bible Hero for EVERY date - I assure you he will still be impressed if Mary Magdalene and Noah only appear semi-monthly
10. Introduce him to your husband
* Photo available upon request
** Name has been changed to protect Susanna
*** Jeremy said you can borrow his
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1 comment:
Well, hello to you, too, Erin! I have heard wonderful things about you (and I'm pretty sure our source is reliable).
You have given excellent advice here, and since I tend to be interested in this whole concept of someone dating a preacher, I hope your readership will heed your advice! I can only imagine the tube top!
I look forward to more of your posts. :)
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